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Back where I Rot

Lyrics: I said I was better. I lied to your face. Same room, same ceiling, same decay. I’m reverting, yeah, I felt it when the silence came back Same thoughts pacing circles like a knife in my bag I don’t cut it out, I let it grow, let it live in my chest Every promise that I made now is failing the test I ghost my phone, let it buzz like it’s screaming my name They say “we’re worried,” I say nothing, that’s part of the game I rot politely, say I’m tired, say I’m fine, say I’m busy Truth is I don’t want to be saved, I just want you to miss me I relapse into habits I swore I’d buried deep Sleeping days, staring nights, bargaining with sleep Every mirror feels crooked, every smile feels staged I’m not healing, I’m just better at hiding the rage They reach out, I flinch I don’t know how to stay If love feels like pressure I’ll push it away I’m going back, back to the worst of me Where the dark feels safe and the hurt feels free Burn every bridge just to feel control I don’t want your light, let me rot in the hole I’m going back, don’t wait, don’t try I poison the room every time I survive No happy ending, don’t hold me close I push you away till I’m alone with the ghost I sabotage calm like it owes me pain If things get quiet, I’m clawing for rain I don’t trust peace, it feels like a trick Like the ground’s gonna drop if I stand still too quick I remember who I was when I hated myself Funny thing is, that felt honest as hell Now improvement tastes fake, like a costume I wear So I rip it to shreds just to prove I still care I delete photos, unfollow friends If I disappear first, it hurts less when it ends I’m not asking for help, don’t read this wrong I just want you to know why I’m gone I’m going back, back to the disease Where the thoughts don’t knock, they kick in with keys Break every bond, every “how you been?” I’d rather be hated than let anyone in I’m going back, carve it in stone I turn love into echoes, texts into bones No happy ending, don’t save my soul I chose the fall, now let me go It’s not that I don’t love you It’s that love makes me weak And weakness is something I can’t afford to keep I’m going back, don’t follow me I ruin every “us,” every “we” If you stay too long, you’ll see the truth I break everything that tries to choose me I’m going back, this is my role Self-fulfilling, self-control No sunrise scene, no closure note Just me, my shadows— and the wreckage I wrote. Same room. Same ceiling. Same decay. Human-made with assistance through AI I am an independent content creator and not connected, affiliated or endorsed by any company in any way.