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Man, this one is triggering for me. No other word for it. I really didn't want to post this until I could watch it, but I want to watch these in order and I just am not in a place to want to open doors to the past and who I was right now. To give a recap as best I can though... It's Maureen's last day in the Starting Over House, and we were all so happy for her, but also sad to see her go. Some of us were closer to her than others, but she was more like a mom than a Starting Over Sister for me. Having been in the house before, she could see through all our pain and anger and see the hurts we were all trying to heal. She passed away years later, and there is still a place in my heart that is hers. I get surprised with a dating game/ blind date assignment, and that conversation unknowingly sets the stage for me to make some unfounded generalizations, and fall face-first into a race-driven learning experience. This particular part of my journey is one I reflect on often to this day. I was young and naive, and ignorant in many ways. I haven't watched the editing of those episodes before, but I have clear memories of it, and based on viewers' reactions at the time, I suspect that editing made my statements appear worse than they were. No excuses intended here, I'm just nervous to put this part out in the universe again. I have changed so very much since that day. I'll certainly be getting some type of reaction video out for this one as soon as I can carve out time to watch the last 20 or so I'm behind on. Just looking at the dating part of this episode for a second... Total cringe. 😬 I caught Josie saying 'sensual' in describing one of the guys as I was editing out commercials/ music, and I had a visceral reaction to it. Today. Nearly 20 years later. Rhonda is trying to teach me how to feel like a woman, and tap into that side of me, and I had built such a wall up, I can still feel it today. I probably still have some of it, which is why I should watch this, and will. Big part of why I'm doing this - to rewatch and learn from being outside myself. Sometimes it's easier to see things as they really are that way... I think I'll leave it there for now. Honest reactions/ comments are fine, but please be kind. ❤️🙏🏼 November 11, 2004 #lifecoach #mentalhealth #selfcare #datingadvice