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The First Splinter: Faith Beyond Belief

In this episode of Shame & Certainty, I return to a moment from college that quietly changed everything — the first splinter that made it impossible to hold my faith the same way again. We talk about how post-Enlightenment Protestant Christianity came to define faith primarily as mental agreement: believing the right doctrines, affirming the right propositions, passing what sometimes feels like a cosmic “Jesus quiz.” In that system, belief becomes cognitive assent — something you think rather than something you live — and compassion, empathy, and transformation can become secondary or even optional. But that isn’t how Jesus used the word belief. In the Gospels, belief is closer to faithfulness, loyalty, devotion — the kind of trust that binds spouses, soldiers, and servants. It’s staking your life on a way of being, not just agreeing with a set of statements. Jesus describes it as treasure hidden in a field — something you stumble upon in ordinary life, something so compelling that joy, not coercion, reorients everything. From there, the episode explores the difference between reading scripture literally and reading it mythically. Not “myth” as fairy tale or falsehood, but myth as a story that breaks us open — one that speaks to the deepest layers of human experience. When scripture is reduced to literal problem-solving or cosmology, it becomes thin and forgettable. But when it’s allowed to function mythically, it connects to shame, longing, self-awareness, love, and the universal human experience of hiding and being seen. We reflect on creation, not as a scientific explanation, but as a story grounding humanity in goodness — a radically different starting point than the familiar narrative of not being enough. Adam is not just one man, but humanity itself, awakening to self-awareness, comparison, nakedness, and shame. The story mirrors our lived experience — in relationships, in intimacy, in the quiet loneliness we sometimes feel even beside the people we love most. The episode also names the discomfort this kind of reading creates. Mystery offers depth, but not control. Institutions want certainty, programs, and guardrails. Mystery resists being managed. And yet, the question remains: Are we becoming more loving, compassionate, merciful, and kind? That may be the truest measure of faith. Ultimately, this episode is about leaving behind a version of belief that no longer bears fruit — and choosing instead to swim in the mystery, even when others would rather pull us back to shore. May you find the questions that don’t close things down, but pull you deeper. https://shameandcertainty.substack.co... 00:00 Intro — basement, a cowboy hat, and the early 2000s 00:21 Frosted tips, pop culture, and the first crack in certainty 01:00 College friends and the article that changed everything 01:48 Wizard of Oz moment — from black & white to color 02:34 Why rigid faith helped me as a kid (and why it stopped working) 03:26 Discovering goodness where I was told there was danger 04:15 The first brick pulled from the dam 04:54 What “generous” faith means to me 05:19 Post-Enlightenment Christianity and the need for certainty 06:07 From underground movement to institutional religion 07:16 When belief becomes a formula (tracts, diagrams, agreement) 08:23 Faith reduced to mental belief 09:07 Losing the way of life Jesus actually taught 09:47 When belief replaces transformation 10:52 Rewriting belief as mental agreement 11:19 Passing the test without changing your life 11:32 The Pharisee and the man in the back row 12:17 Treasure in the field — faith as discovery, not doctrine 13:00 How truth shows up in everyday life 14:03 The field is ordinary life 14:37 When others don’t understand your discovery 15:26 Obedience to what you’ve found 16:18 Joy, not coercion 17:00 “The next click” — growth changes relationships 18:03 Back to the first splinter (2002) 18:36 Other dominos — George Floyd and moral awakening 19:35 Sacred moments that break the dam 19:54 Career, identity, and the Colorado awakening 21:47 Worth beyond success and status 22:31 Questioning literal readings of Scripture 23:11 Mythic truth vs literal truth 24:31 Why literalism dries up the text 25:52 Myth as deeply true, not made up 26:29 Starting theology in Genesis 1 (goodness) 27:21 Genesis 3, shame, hiding, and blame 28:38 Adam as “humanity,” not just a person 29:49 Transparency, vulnerability, and the human story 30:41 Why institutions shrink mystery 31:38 Bite-sized Jesus and small faith 32:02 The test: is love growing? 32:57 Staying faithful to what bears fruit 33:11 Swimming in mystery — closing invitation