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Bounce

DISCLAIMER: This song is a work of parody and satire. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or associated with Sacha Baron Cohen, Channel 4, or the creators of the Ali G character. All trademarks belong to their respective owners. --- [spoken, mock serious] Ali G(mail) back in da logs again, Man see numbers, think it’s maths for dem brainy men, But nah fam, dis is how servers chat, When email get judged and bounced right back. Bounce is when your email get denied, Receiving server look at it, say “nah, not inside”, Server-to-server, no user involved, Just M.T.A.s lettin’ protocol resolve, You send da message, you wait for da sign, Receiving side answer back in real time, If da reply say “message can’t proceed”, Dat negative response is da bounce indeed. Bounce got codes, yeah numbers explain, S.M.T.P. replies tell you why it ain’t land, Didn’t hit inbox, didn’t reach da end, Bounce mean rejected by da receivin’ end. Now dem codes matter, listen close to da mix, 4-X-X or 5-X-X, different types of bricks, 5-double-X mean permanent refusal, Could be bad address, or policy disapproval, Filtering, reputation, or domain not allowed, 5-X-X say “don’t retry”, say it loud, It ain’t always typo or address gone bad, Sometimes server just say “we don’t trust what you had”. Now 4-double-X, dat’s a temporary state, Server say “not now”, not permanent hate, Could be rate limit, could be system overload, Could be short-term policy while reputation get probed, Your M.T.A. retries later, dat’s da plan, Cos 4-X-X mean “maybe”, not “never again”, But stack too many, you still look wrong, Good senders slow down, they don’t push strong. Bounce ain’t opens, bounce ain’t clicks, Bounce happen before da user sees bits, Inbox choice? Nah, dat come later in da fight, Bounce is pure delivery, S.M.T.P. life. Bounce got codes, yeah numbers explain, S.M.T.P. replies tell you why it ain’t land, 4-X-X temporary, 5-X-X final end, Bounce mean rejected by da receivin’ end. Dat’s why hygiene matter, lists stay clean, Suppress dem hard fails quick, know what I mean, Ignore 5-X-X and you look real messy, ISPs clock dat, reputation get sketchy, Bounces are signals, cold and exact, They judge how you send based on observable facts, Too many rejects? Trust go down, Inbox doors start closin’ all over town. So lock dis in, yeah, technical but tight: Bounce is rejection with an S.M.T.P. reply, Temporary or permanent, da code decide, If it bounce—it ain’t delivered. Definition certified.