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Alison Armstrong has spent more than three decades studying men, women, and the hidden instincts that shape our relationships — and what she reveals in this episode is nothing short of transformative. What began as a personal quest in 1991 “to understand how I was bringing out the worst in men — and how to bring out the best” evolved into one of the most respected bodies of work on human behaviour. But Alison’s insights don’t stop with men. Her research into women uncovered powerful patterns that explain why couples disconnect… and how they can reconnect with clarity, compassion, and strength. In this conversation, Alison breaks down: The profound difference between loving someone and being in love Why self-love isn’t optional — it’s the foundation of every healthy connection How resentment quietly destroys intimacy (and how to dissolve it) The “anger spectrum” and how misunderstood instincts shape our reactions Practical tools to bring back respect, playfulness, and emotional safety in any relationship Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term partnership, this episode offers the kind of wisdom that shifts how you see yourself — and how you show up for others. This is one of the most eye-opening conversations we’ve had on the show. If you’re ready to build relationships that are deeper, stronger, and more human… you’ll want to hear every minute. _ Sign up for my free weekly newsletter: https://benmumme.substack.com/subscribe? _ TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Love expands through respect and admiration. 07:23 Fulfilling relationships require mutual giving and receiving. 10:32 Healing and giving essential for relationships. 21:11 Supported entrepreneurs; prioritized family commitments ultimately. 24:22 Unmet expectations often lead to conflict. 26:50 Communicate needs clearly to navigate conflicts effectively. 32:23 Men value teamwork in solving relationship problems. 39:36 Appreciation fuels energy, enhancing reciprocal bonds. 45:35 Giving and receiving are vital in relationships. 48:18 Highlights gender differences in security perceptions. 55:14 Respect and understanding are crucial in relationships. 58:59 Women's fears and frustrations about men. _ WHERE TO FIND BEN MUMME 👇 Twitter: / mumme_ben YouTube: @livingyourgreatness Instagram: / benmumme_ LinkedIn: / benjamin-grant-mumme-42553690 Listen to all episodes on Audio: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2WeaGjR... Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast... _ WHERE TO FIND ALISON ARMSTRONG 👇 Website: AlisonArmstrong.com YouTube: @AlisonArmstrongVideos Facebook: facebook.com/UnderstandMen Instagram: instagram.com/TheAlisonArmstrong _ #alisonarmstrong #thequeenscode #relationshipadvice #selflove #healthyrelationships #relationshipgoals #emotionalintelligence #loveandrespect #love #selflove #masculineandfeminine #communcationinrelationships #conflictresolution #relationshipdynamics #men #women #personalgrowth #relationshippodcast #BenMumme #understandingmen #understandingwomen #relationshiptips #couplestherapy #buildingconnection #datingadvice #lovelanguage #loveandrespect #emasculation