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If you are someone over the age of 22, you’ve likely noticed that it’s harder to make friends than it was when you were younger. Some of this is due to societal changes, but much of it is because life starts to pull us in so many directions that it’s hard to pin down time to make true friends and genuine social connections. However, social connections are critical fuel to our joy and fulfillment, so we have to find a way to keep them going late into life. To show us how, our expert guest is award winning author and speaker, Katherine Meese. The three big questions Katherine is going to answer for us in the episode are: 1. Why is friendship and social connection so important for us as adults? 2. Why is it so hard to form and maintain these friendships as adults? 3. What practical, repeatable behaviors help adults form, deepen, and sustain real friendships in modern life? How to start a Mayo Clinic Human Optimization Project “Pod-Club”: Step 1: Find 2-30 friends who want to get better Step 2: Choose your episodes (can be focused on specific themes or random) Step 3: Listen to/watch the episodes Step 4: Meet with your group to work through the provided discussion questions for each episode, and feel free to add your own! Step 5: Celebrate the fact that you are turning passive knowledge into action! Discussion Questions for this Episode: 1. The podcast uses the analogy of a tree's root system (fibrous roots for acquaintances, taproot for deep friends) to describe social connections. How do you currently balance these two types of relationships in your life? 2. The discussion highlights how the importance of social connection changes across different life stages (childhood, young adulthood, middle age, and later life). How have your needs and expectations for friendship evolved as you've gotten older? 3. The podcast states that social isolation and loneliness can be as detrimental to physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. What are your personal reflections on the physical and mental health impacts of your social connections (or lack thereof)? 4. The speakers discuss how modern factors like technology, career demands, and polarizing worldviews make adult friendships challenging. Which of these factors do you experience in your life? 5. The concept of "firing friends" is brought up, especially when beliefs diverge. How do you navigate friendships with people who hold different values or worldviews than your own, and when do you decide a friendship might not be worth continuing? 6. The podcast suggests a four-step plan for building friendships: 1) Assess where you are, 2) Become a regular somewhere, 3) Be responsible for your own fun, and 4) Be the friend you want to have. Which of these steps do you feel you already do well, and which could you focus on improving? 7. When discussing maintaining friendships, the advice includes understanding what the other person needs, making a routine, seeing people as having "layers like an onion," and showing grace. Which of these maintenance strategies do you find most challenging or most rewarding? 8. The call to action encourages listeners to recognize that building friendships is a choice and to assess their current social network. What is one concrete action you could take this week to either assess your friendships or intentionally invest in one? 00:00 Introduction to Adult Friendship 00:21 Why Making Friends Gets Harder 01:00 Meet Dr. Katherine Meese 01:40 Why Friendship Matters in Adulthood 02:16 Defining True Friendship and Connection 03:00 The Two Root Systems of Social Health 04:09 Balancing Surface and Deep Relationships 05:51 Benefits of Friendship in Childhood 07:19 Social Support in Young Adulthood 09:03 Why Friendship Gets Hardest in Midlife 10:54 Social Connection in Later Life 12:12 The Health Risks of Loneliness 14:12 Introverts, Extroverts, and Social Needs 18:40 Are We Getting Worse at Friendship? 21:47 Technology, AI, and Social Disconnection 24:25 Why Adult Friendships Are Challenging 26:45 Polarization and “Firing” Friends 32:03 Setting Realistic Expectations for Friends 37:15 When to End a Friendship 39:06 Four Steps to Build Friendships 46:00 Maintaining and Deepening Friendships 52:58 Final Takeaways and Call to Action Learn more about the Human Optimization Project at: https://ce.mayo.edu/optimize X: @MayoHumanOpProj Instagram: @MayoHumanOpProj YouTube: The Human Optimization Project - YouTube Email: optimize@mayo.edu