Why You Can't Be Calm Around Your Narcissist Ex (and How to Finally Change That) скачать в хорошем качестве

Why You Can't Be Calm Around Your Narcissist Ex (and How to Finally Change That)

There's a moment most people in our community know well. Your phone lights up with a message from your ex. Or you're sitting in the parking lot outside the courthouse. Or you're on the phone with your attorney and your voice starts shaking. You know the response you want to give. You know the person you want to be in that moment. And then something happens — a thought spiral, a surge of adrenaline, a reaction you didn't plan — and afterward, you're sitting there wondering what just happened. That's not a character flaw. That's dysregulation. And it is absolutely something you can learn to change. Our guest today, Bonnie Butler, knows this from two directions: as someone who lived through her own version of emotional chaos — adopting six traumatized teenagers at once after years of fostering — and as a certified emotional regulation coach who has helped hundreds of clients transform the way they respond to stress, conflict, and the impossible situations life throws at them. This conversation with Lisa is one of those episodes where you'll want to stop and take notes. Or maybe you'll just find yourself nodding along, because finally someone is naming what you've been experiencing. Timestamps: 00:00 — Opening: the problem of knee-jerk reactions with a toxic ex 01:20 — Bonnie defines emotional regulation in plain language 03:45 — The pause technique: interrupting the thought spiral with a physical cue 07:10 — Why holding your breath makes rational thought impossible 09:30 — Bonnie introduces herself: from overwhelmed foster/adoptive mom to regulation coach 14:00 — The turning point: hitting a wall and learning the hard way 18:20 — Why no one ever teaches us to manage our emotions 21:40 — Her 12-week program and what transformation actually looks like 25:00 — Why clients resist the tools at first — and what happens when they try anyway 29:15 — Self-regulation explained: what it feels like when you've got it 33:00 — Co-regulation: how your state spreads to everyone around you 37:20 — The heartbreaking thing that happens when kids try to regulate their parents 40:45 — How modeling regulation teaches your kids to regulate themselves 43:00 — "Name it to tame it": why naming an emotion is the first step to releasing it 46:15 — "The anxiety I'm feeling" vs. "my anxiety": a small shift, a big door 48:30 — Meet Jim: how one client made friends with their anxiety to stop being controlled by it 51:00 — Our thoughts are not facts — and you don't have to keep every thought you have 54:20 — The thought closet: choosing what you keep and what you let go 57:00 — Change, loss, and grief — why healing always has a harder side 01:01:00 — "Paddles in the canoe": taking back the steering wheel of your life 01:04:30 — What you focus on grows: the profound shift in how Bonnie saw her own life 01:08:00 — From "what might have been" to "what could be" 01:12:00 — How to connect with Bonnie Connect with Bonnie Butler: Website & booking: bonniebutlercoaching.com Instagram: @bonniebutlercoaching Facebook: Bonnie Butler Coaching Email: bonnie@bonniebutlercoaching.com #EmotionalRegulation #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyBattle #CoParentingHelp #NarcissistEx #DivorceCoach #BonnieButler #BeenThereGotOut