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Why Food Isn't the Problem

Food noise. Emotional eating. Body dissatisfaction. Most people assume the problem is food or willpower. It isn’t. In this episode, Kim sits down with eating disorder specialist Sarah Burney to unpack what’s actually driving disordered eating and chronic fixation on food and body. This conversation goes beneath behavior and into shame, self-worth, trauma, and the beliefs quietly shaping how people relate to their bodies. They explore why changing your body never resolves the distress, how shame sustains the cycle, and how to tell when support is warranted. Sarah also clarifies common misconceptions around body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and eating disorders, and offers guidance for supporting loved ones without reinforcing harm. This episode is for anyone who feels stuck in food thoughts, body-based self-evaluation, or repeated attempts to “fix” themselves that never last. Full episode from the Engineering Love podcast. Timestamps 00:00 – What food noise actually feels like 02:31 – Stress eating, dopamine, and emotional regulation 03:54 – Food as self-soothing vs avoidance 05:06 – When food thoughts signal the need for support 05:26 – Medical vs psychological red flags 06:03 – How shame drives disordered eating 07:19 – Why changing your body doesn’t fix the problem 08:21 – Is body image ever the root issue? 09:00 – Trauma, attachment, and self-worth 10:15 – Why success and appearance don’t bring relief 11:15 – What treatment actually looks like 12:11 – Body dysmorphia vs negative body image 13:48 – Why people normalize dissatisfaction with food and body 14:12 – Separating self-worth from self-improvement 17:18 – Why reaching the “ideal” body doesn’t work 18:42 – Self-acceptance vs resignation 21:04 – The belief underneath “I need to look different” 24:33 – Disordered eating vs eating disorders 25:26 – Why eating disorders aren’t about food 26:48 – How loved ones can support without causing harm 29:47 – What to look for in a specialist Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/ Kim's Instagram:   / kp_counseling