How Do You Decide to Have Kids? (Because I Haven’t) - Baylee скачать в хорошем качестве

How Do You Decide to Have Kids? (Because I Haven’t) - Baylee

I’ve spent years wondering if I want kids. So instead of keeping that question in my head, I decided to film my "annoyingly indecisive" journey. Maybe Baby is my way of figuring out one of life’s biggest decisions, through real conversations with parents, non-parents, and everyone in between. What I unpack in this episode: indecision, partner mismatch, identity at work, freedom and travel, possible regret, and what culture tells us vs what we actually want. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Should I have kids?”, you’re in the right place. 💬 Subscribe for weekly interviews and perspectives to help you navigate your own family planning journey. 👇 Full Transcript Below 👇 Hi, my name’s Baylee, and I work in film production. I’m 32 years old. I was going to say 30, and I’m always in my head thinking I’m younger than I am. For a while, it was 24, so it’s good that I thought I was 30. I’ve been with my husband for almost 11 years, and we’re trying to decide if we’re going to have kids or not. We’re at a really interesting time in history where having kids is more of a choice than it ever was before. Before, it was very culturally embedded that you get married and then you start a family. Now people are really thinking about whether kids fit into their life or their future. In my own life, I’ve been experiencing this extreme indecision about whether or not to have kids. I started thinking, I want to hear more perspectives. I want to hear from experts and from people who live a child-free life, because I don’t have a lot of those role models in my life. I didn’t even know what that looks like. I wanted to explore that topic because as I bring it up with my friends, so many of us are confused and have no idea what to do. That’s what sparked Maybe Baby. I wanted to gather as many perspectives as I can with this project, and hopefully, it will help me. My current stance on having kids changes weekly, daily, hourly. It really depends on who I’m talking to about it. Today we did a bunch of interviews with parents and people who all want to have kids, and after listening to those interviews, I thought, “Oh yeah, I want to have kids.” But then last week, I was traveling, seeing new places, experiencing new things, and I wanted to keep doing that for the rest of my life. In that moment, I wasn’t seeing a future with kids. So my stance depends on who I’m surrounded by, what I’m doing, and what my focus is at that moment, which is why this decision feels really stressful. Growing up, I always thought I didn’t want kids. I couldn’t imagine my future with them. As I’m getting older and experiencing new phases of life, my perspective is starting to shift. I’m wondering if this next phase of life is a new challenge I’ll want to take on. This thought occupies my brain all the time. I’ve been married to my husband Jesse for four years. He’s my best friend. We started our relationship not wanting kids. Everyone always told me that as soon as I turned 30, a switch would flip. I didn’t think it would, but when I turned 30, I suddenly thought, “Wait a second, maybe I do want kids.” But Jesse has always stayed the same. He doesn’t want kids, and that’s been a really challenging thing to navigate. Not so much with each other, because we have good communication, but it’s a very real topic that we’re exploring. He feels that even though he doesn’t want kids, he would adapt and make it work. I believe that too. I think he would be an incredible father. But even though I’m the one pushing to have kids when we have these conversations, he thinks I’ll have a really hard time adapting to motherhood, which I think is true. He wants to see me start moving into more of that lifestyle — maybe not traveling as much, maybe taking on more responsibilities at home. Financially, we could have kids. I have family support. Who knows if we can actually get pregnant, but right now we’re healthy. The biggest factor is how it would affect my relationship with my husband, because he doesn’t want kids. Forcing him into that decision makes me afraid of resentment. It’s a big decision to go into with that fear. Because he doesn’t want kids and I started to, a lot of my focus went into trying to change his perspective. Then I realized recently, I need to think about my own perspective again. Is this the lifestyle I want? Sometimes I don’t know. My husband and I have a dog, Marty, who is the love of our life. He brings so much joy into our lives. Every minute we’re around him, he makes us happy. I’ve been asking myself, do I need more of that? A child would bring that happiness and joy times ten, but also stress times ten. I’ve also noticed through raising our dog how different our “parenting styles” are. I never think anything will go wrong, and he thinks everything could go wrong. Because of that, we balance each other out, but it creates conflict. He overcompensates with caution, and I...