Why successful, strong women ignore red flags скачать в хорошем качестве

Why successful, strong women ignore red flags

A woman asked me the other day if I would do a video on cognitive dissonance. Why do successful, strong women ignore red flags in toxic relationships? When I finally found the courage to leave my toxic ex I felt so much pain. There was also deep shame. If I was honest with myself I saw the red flags. I knew they were there. Why did I ignore them? I was talking to a woman today who felt the same. Why did I not have the strength to walk away? She was embarrassed by this. I was the same. Why did I stay way too long when what he was saying and doing were two different things? He was showing me who he was right from the start. Why did I choose not to believe what I was seeing? Or choose the fantasy version instead? Because we see only what we choose to see. What we need to see. Our head screams at us one thing. But our heart makes excuses for anything we don’t like to believe. And that comes from a place of fear. Even though we are strong on the outside, successful, and capable, there’s a scared little girl who doesn’t feel good enough. Unlovable even. Secretly afraid she’ll end up alone. A girl who longs to be accepted, valued, and loved. But who is terrified of rejection if she dares to open up to be vulnerable enough for anyone to see what’s deep inside. You may not even be aware that she has her hands on the steering wheel of your life. I wasn’t. I was shocked when I discovered her. Even more so when I realized she was the one making all the wrong choices and decisions when it came to intimate partners. Choosing unavailable men so I could protect my vulnerability and feel safe. Minimize the chance of being rejected, which is what I learned later I feared the most. If I can fix him, then I am in control. You may be strong and tough on the outside. But do you share the secret I did that I was terrified of others finding out? That you don’t measure up, are unworthy or unlovable enough to find the type of love we all crave with someone who is there for you and deeply cares. That you’ll end up alone? That is what leads you straight into the arms of flawed, low-value men (or women) who love nothing more than a woman who will put their needs first and won’t value you. And to ignore the signs that tell you it’s unsafe, as you convince yourself that you are strong enough to handle it. That you can fix things, rescue them, make the relationship work. Prove you’re worthy of their, frankly, less-than-what-you-deserve-love by fixing their unavailable or damaged self. But the longer you continue down the path of needing to be needed by low-value, damaged, unfaithful, flawed men (or women) the greater that cognitive dissonance becomes. You have to fix it, you have to ignore the things that you don’t want to see. So, you start to only focus on what you want to. Excusing away bad behavior. Ignoring things they tell you from the start that say: I’m bad for you. And one toxic relationship will lead to another that strips away your self-esteem which only makes this pattern worse. And then what happens is exactly what you fear. You end up even more scared and alone.