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How to be happy NOW

My beautiful daughter-in-law Emma was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 20s. She’s got through the worst of the physical battle, but the mental one is tough and a lasting one. Despite this, she chose not to let this define her and today her writing and work are aimed at helping young adults who are going through what she did. Today she shared the story of Nightbird, from America’s Got Talent, who also had cancer at this young age and who inspired Emma as she was going through the worst of it. If you can’t remember her, google her audition as it is incredibly powerful. Nightbird said this: ‘I am so much more than the bad things that happen to me’ Understanding this will change your life forever. Yes, it’s unfair that you went through toxic relationships, even abuse - emotional or physical, perhaps a tough childhood. But what happened to you is not WHO YOU ARE. So many women mistake this and hand all of their power over to others. Most of my clients did this before we worked together to change this. They build their identity, how they feel about themselves around what others think about them, and how others treat them. Their self-worth worth depends on what happens to them outside of themselves. Who they are is defined by what happens to them externally. And this becomes their truth: I must be unlovable. I’m not good enough. Who will ever love me? I’m an Imposter, and nothing I ever achieve measures up. I don’t belong. I’m a failure. When they find out who I really am they’ll reject me. Does this sound like you? If your happiness and how you value yourself depends day-to-day on what happens around you, what others think, say or do or the challenges you face, then your life will be an emotional rollercoaster. You’ll live in fear of what happens next, exist in a fight or flight mode, mistrust others, and feel unhappy and depressed. You will think life happens TO you and you are powerless to change it. You are so much more than bad things that happen to you. When you get this, you can reclaim your life, and your identity and have the power within you to change your future. Nightbird also said: ‘You can’t wait ‘til your life’s not hard anymore before you decide to be happy’. Happiness is a choice. If you focus all your energy on all the bad that’s happened to you, what you’re missing or lacking then you will reflect out to the world insecurity, uncertainty, and fear. You’ll signal to others that your self-worth depends on everything outside of yourself. You’ll project that out to the world and this is Catnip for narcissists and those who are masters of detecting those of us with low self-worth whom they can manipulate and take advantage of. If you are waiting for something outside of yourself to make you happy, then you’ll never find it or feel complete. You’ll keep attracting toxic people into your life, who expect you to sacrifice your needs in favor of theirs. You’ll forever people-please and feel frustrated as you’re left exhausted and empty inside. You’ll never know what happiness is like, in a loving, equal, balanced relationship with someone who nurtures your soul. I know this as that was me. But then I chose to take my power back and find happiness within me, despite the fact that at that time I had left a violent relationship, was a single mother, and terrified of the future. I wasn’t going to wait anymore before I decided to be happy. I was going to love myself as much as I wanted anyone else to love me. And that’s when joy found me. I found unconditional love from the beautiful man who is my best friend and to whom I am still married more than 33 years on. I stopped attracting toxic people into my life. I valued myself enough to build strong boundaries and now surround myself with people who add value to my life, not deplete me. And my clients are all now doing the same. They’re not waiting around for life to not be hard anymore before they choose to be happy. They’re reclaiming their identity, knowing they are so much more than the bad things that happened to them and that they deserve better. Sadly, Nightbird has passed away. But in her final days, she seized the best of life, not the worst.