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WORLD PREMIERE From Contemporary Sounds 2026 Recorded live in performance at Denison University on February 4, 2026 Timothy Hagen, flute Chris Faur, visuals Program note from the composer So I Might Find Myself is a commissioned work in response to Timothy Hagen’s “Impossible Letters” written to honor and communicate with their past self. As a journey through the “Good, bad, ugly, and more,” reading these letters have also given me the opportunity to reflect on my past self and create a work that aspires to blends some of our shared experiences growing up queer in a very different world than today. Through compassion and love, these letters are a way of communicating love and understanding with the past, so that present readers may find similarities and a community in a time when they may have felt isolated and alone. The piece traces 7 different memories, resembling the 7 letters written so far, of these experiences – while not programmatic to those stories, their content was enriched by these details. The electronics place us in different acousmatic spaces that encourage the flutist to find a new voice in each section, underscoring the constant code-switching many queer people endured as we navigated shame, public scrutiny, self-love, and resistance. Reaching the final section of the piece, “Myself,” the lyrical fragments from the previous memories burst through to reveal what has been hidden or shadowed in these memories. While parts of these memories will always be with us, we can hopefully look at them with much kinder eyes and honor them gracefully. I’m incredibly humbled and fortunate to have Timothy in my life and to create such a meaningful work for us and the rest of the queer community. I will always cherish my friendships with those who understand the strength it takes to be your authentic self. Thank you for the opportunity to tell our stories and continue making queer art.